Beautifully expressed, thank you for sharing.

I'm glad to read an account of someone using violent video gaming as a way of purging themselves of their anger and coming away a calmer, more grounded person. I think this is probably the case for the majority who experience emotional turmoil of any kind. It's the same reason the Rage (or Smash) Room has become a popular concept and viable business investment. Or that people train in combat sports etc. They're all healthy outlets for a perfectly natural emotion. In the case of gaming however, we see it portrayed as a reason rather than a release more often than not.

I used to feel otherwise myself, about seeing and doing violent acts on screens. Now I think that a person brings their own emotions into the game with them. Violence jangles my nerves and makes me cry. For many like you it's a way of expunging feelings of rage.

Extremely rarely there are damaged souls with so much hatred within themselves and a twisted/broken psyche which is already part of them and cannot be blamed upon gaming. Yet when these people turn their pain and hatred onto the world, especially when they are young, we will no doubt hear about the violent video games they've played.....but it's just not cause and effect like that, as you attest in your piece here (sorry about the tangent there).

As for gender expression and mirrors/dysmorphia, my adult child identifies as non-binary at a push, but mainly as "Just Me" (after growing tired of stressing about it.)

So, sending blessings and love. Pleased you found a brighter place to be. Do just that, Just Be.