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If You Loved Me, Why’d You Leave Me?
The song that broke me today.
In February 2020 I published my first article on Medium:
That piece was about the pain and guilt I feel over the death (by suicide) of a very close friend and sometimes lover.
I miss him so damn much. I miss his protective presence by my side; his arms around me; his laugh; his caustic wit; the soft heart of him that so few people ever got to see, but he shared fully and freely with me. I miss riding pillion on the powerful motorbike he rode, the feeling of freedom — flying. I was so tiny in those days, he would throw me around on the back of that bike and laugh as I gave up and clung onto him, arms around his solid body, hands tucking into the pockets of his leather jacket to anchor myself. I was never afraid though, he was my safety, I knew he would take care of me.
Yet, he left me. He didn’t take me with him. He broke his promise and he broke my heart.
I’ve been thinking a lot about him recently, summertime brings him back to me in so many ways except the one I want…
