Marc, I am SO pleased that you felt the same about this novel as I did!! :D
I didn't want to say to much before, but I thought the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus seemed beautifully realistic as you say, and Achilles more rounded and human because of it. It was the character of Patroclus which really captured my heart though - and I am not ashamed to say that I fully wept (not just a sniff and a couple of tears) at the depiction of Achilles' grief at losing him.
Madeleine Miller writes this story in such a gorgeous lyrical style. I read it when it came out and still haven't forgotten how much I loved it.
Thank you for your review - I think it makes a difference that you have the same academic background as the author and love how she portrayed her version of this epic.