Your writing is so beautiful here Alison. I can honestly feel shadows of the yearning, melancholic pain you're describing in myself now. I hurt for you all - and I know that it is absolutely possible to get used to living with that loneliness, the forever empty space in your life. I just don't know that I like that we can do that, that we are wired to expect and cope with that kind of loss. Life can surely be cruel.